The Prologue to Our Next Chapter

A wise man and pastor once told me that if you make a few big decisions in life all the little one become much easier. Robert and I decided before we were married and still young and naive, that our marriage would be founded on our Christian faith. Little did we know, this decision would change everything. Suddenly, children were no longer a financial or time burden, but a blessing and sacred charge gifted from God. We weren't just changing diapers, we were doing God's work! We became aware that the creation of life is an absolute miracle, and that most forms of birth control are potentially abortive (a fact that I think most women are completely unaware of because of the way birth control pills, IUDs and all other hormonal birth control methods are marketed). Adopting these beliefs, in additional to being gifted with exceptional fertility, we've been blessed with 5 awesome kids in the relatively short period of 8 years. It was earlier this year that we found out we'd be expecting again, but this time, we could expect not one, but two babies.

Now, just because we believe children are a blessing doesn't mean they are any easier or any less exhausting. Before we had kids, our days were filled with successful careers, interesting vacations, and lots of weekend adventures. Having a large family is no doubt worth it, but I wouldn't want to present it as an easy path or one that hasn't come at significant personal expense.

When we found out we were expecting both our 6^th and 7^th child, we were excited, scared, and overwhelmed. I checkouted just about every book about twins from our library. I've hardly even known anyone who has had twins. It was an awesome 12 days, before, we got the call. All we were told was that the genetic testing was positive for trisomy 21, the genetic marker for Down Syndrome. We didn't know if we would have one or two special needs children.

I will admit, I took it about as bad as possible. I'm ashamed of where my mind went. I did not want this. I thought we were on the cusp of something wonderful, and now my life was ruined. Those were some very dark days, but then, we got the second piece of news. At our next doctor visit, just as we were coming to terms with the Down Syndrome diagnosis, we were told to prepare ourselves for the possibility that one of our babies may not survive. One of the boys was not growing. Something more than just Down Syndrome was wrong.

This is where our prologue ends. We are beginning a new chapter in our lives. Right now we are doing weekly appointments with Maternal and Fetal Medicine specialists in addition to regular Obstetric appointments. They will monitor the umbilical artery systolic/diastolic pressure ratio for decreased diastolic pressure, resulting in a higher ratio. If this ratio gets too high, they will give me a course of steroid injections to speed up the babies' lung development. They will also decide if they need to take the babies early, or really, how early they need to take the babies.

Our days ahead will be rocky, especially if our babies have an extended stay in the NICU fighting for their lives. After that, we're preparing to find out what life with a special needs child or children looks like. But we never sought the easy life, but rather, the good life. A good life is not living for our own amusement or professional triumphs (not that I don't long for a few), but a life serving our family and our God. A life where we grow together instead of apart through hardships. A life where we see something beautiful and more wonderful than we had hoped for come from the ashes of our disappointment. This brings me back to holding fast to our one big decision, to follow Christ through good days and bad. We know we will see God's goodness made manifest if we can just keep walking faithfully, through good days and those that break our hearts.